my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
