my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Randomize
