so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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