You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize