Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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