my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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