those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
