i wish my penis had a tongue
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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