Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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