i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
