Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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