New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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