Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
