My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dicks are not precious.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
