i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
