I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
