I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
