Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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