I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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