I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You ruined the universe
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
