I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Randomize
