Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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