He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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