so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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