im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
