Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
