My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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