My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
