Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
