I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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