do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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