Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
