I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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