I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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