I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
