Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
