booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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