is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
