who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
