Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
