she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
