it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
