Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
