So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
