Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
