i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
