would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
