chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
