it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
