can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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