I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
