that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
