I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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